


Gift Horse

by PastryFudger



Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Ashnikko - Freeform, Gen, Mentions of those shitty hamster ads for KIA, Spyfest 2020 (Alex Rider), The Lion King - Freeform, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25440373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastryFudger/pseuds/PastryFudger
Summary: K-Unit has been acting weird lately. Really weird.For Spyfest 2020 Week 3 Prompt: "Where some people see coincidence, I see conspiracy."
Relationships: K-Unit & Alex Rider, Tom Harris & Alex Rider
Kudos: 90
Collections: Spyfest 2020





	Gift Horse

There was a movie on the counter. It was still packaged, with the price clearly shown and the title loudly displayed on the front - 'The Lion King'.

Hardly the strangest thing, of course, but Alex already owned a copy of 'The Lion King', and it was very well worn by now because Tom would always want to watch it just to cry at Mufasa's death and then instantly make comments about how Pumbaa and Timon were clearly gay. The amount of times they recreated the infamous 'Long live the king' scene was countless by now, and K-Unit had definitely see that - as if Tom would let anyone pass by him and not witness his theatrics. Alex took a deep sip from his coffee as he frowned at the movie, and Ben meandered into the kitchen.

"Morning," the man greeted, pulling his own mug down from the cabinet. It had three small cartoon foxes on it rolling around in some grass. Eagle had bought it for him as a joke gift, but Ben really did like it. It was clearly chipped in a few spots and the image was wearing just a little bit. A mug of memories, truly, and it was swiftly filled to the brim with hot coffee.

"Morning, Ben," Alex replied, eyes roaming around the room seemingly aimlessly before landing back on the movie. "Did you buy this?"

Ben blinked at him over the rim of his mug. "Pardon?"

Alex gestured with his elbow towards the innocent looking DVD. "The movie. Did you buy that?"

With just a brief glance, Ben chuckled. "Nah, it's from Christmas. You know how I went over to my parents' and all that. My parents bought it for Sarah and Jacob, but they already have the film, and then it got chucked my way." He took a sip of his coffee. "I forgot you already own it."

Alex hummed, nodding at that. He finished off his coffee, and put his mug in the sink. He made for the stairs before Ben called out.

"Alex, you know what I'm going to say," the man said, brow raised. "Stop drinking-"

"-so much coffee, it stunts my growth or whatever. I heard you yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, and so on so forth."

"Alex," Ben chided lightly.

"Ben," Alex replied childishly.

"Someday, you're going to be the only adult I know who is under 165 cm."

Alex raised a brow. "It's not the size that matters, it's how you use it," he teased, and Ben laughed openly.

"Alright, go on and shower then," Ben said, waving him away. "I've a pot of coffee to nurse and a couple of omelettes with our names on them."

There was no reply, Alex already long gone, and Ben just chuckled quietly to himself.

In Alex's head, however, cogs were already turning.

* * *

"Hey, Cub, what kind of music do you listen to?"

Alex looked up from his paperwork - yes, genuine MI6 assigned paperwork, the absolute injustice - and gave Wolf a quizzical look. Wolf, who still had issues being an actual human being to him and not a sack of fecal matter and carrion. Wolf, who had forgotten to pick him up from a bus stop out in the middle of nowhere because he got a hot date. Wolf, who was currently asking him his favorite music.

He managed an eloquent, "What?" in response, and Wolf just rolled his eyes as if to say, 'Here we go again with Alex.'

"I asked what kind of music you-"

"No, no, I heard that," Alex interjected, dropping his pen on the desk. He leaned back in his chair, fingers crossing in his lap. "I just don't get why you're asking."

Wolf scratched the nape of his neck awkwardly. "Well, I always pick the music when I drive-"

Alex frowned and asked, "Didn't you make the rule 'driver picks the jams'...?"

Wolf, of course, barreled right past his comment. "-but I do like to try and find music that the rest of you lot like, which is why I have some of Eagle's songs-"

"Hey, wait, wait, wait," Alex lifted a hand to pause Wolf's idiot tirade. "You and Eagle have the same taste in music, and you never play anything Ben would like, and literally only one band that Snake likes."

"Fox has shit taste and Snake is a fucking nerd."

Well, Alex couldn't argue against that sound logic. Regardless, he still eyed his second to least favorite roommate (least favorite being Snake, who was somehow physically incapable of doing the dishes right and sucked at folding towels) and raised a brow.

"Just tell me what kind of music you like," Wolf huffed. He shuffled his feet a bit under the scrutiny, and Alex, of course, pressed on.

"Why?"

"I _just_ told you-"

"Yeah, but that makes no sense, at all. For all you know I like listening to 1920's jazz! O-or American country!" The teen received a flat look in response. "Okay, I don't really listen to either of those. But I really doubt you will like the music I'm into."

Never one to back down from a challenge, no matter how unintentional (or clearly intentional), Wolf simply stood a slight bit taller and said, "Try me."

"You sure?"

"Yes I'm _sure!_ "

"I'm just making sure, alright?" Alex unplugged his earbuds from his iPod, plugging it into the speakers he kept on his desk for the express reason of Tom using it to blast annoying music at Wolf. He cycled to a song, pausing it before it started.

"... are you sure?"

" _Cub I swear to god-_ "

Alex hit play with an impish grin, and watched with glee as Wolf's face morphed through the opening of Special by Ashnikko. Seeing Wolf visibly blush was a rare occurrence, but the word 'pussy' made the soldier's eyes go wide.

The man managed until 'Tongue-kissing in my king-sized bed' before he left, clearly uncomfortable with the music, and Alex wheezed with laughter, his snorts and giggles carrying through the house far louder than the music, and his mind racing already.

* * *

"Ya kno', I'm surprised you eat so well," Snake said over lunch one day, and Alex looked up mid-bite from his burger, which was practically dripping in calories, and tried to casually chew in confusion. It didn't really work, as a small amount of burger juices dripped down the side of his hand and as he watched it trail down onto his plate, he gave Snake a look.

"Okay, usually you eat rather well," Snake amended, "compared to the rest of yer age group. My brothers are right bastards about what they eat. Always so picky. It drives me parents up the damn wall."

Alex raised a brow. "... and?"

"Well, I'm just wonderin' what kind of sweets you like. Rarely see you eat anything with sugar and if you do, it's because Eagle bought you something."

Alex frowned as he thought on that. "I'unno. Chocolate, I guess?"

"You guess?" Snake pressed, getting that 'concerned about Alex's childhood' look again.

"Ian didn't approve of junk food so I only got to eat it when I went over to a mate's house, and usually they would come over instead, or I would meet them at the park or something. And now, I just don't have the kind of time to find a favorite. I'll eat what's put in front of me, you know?"

Snake sighed, putting down his burger, and Alex internally prepared for the pity party Snake was about to throw him. Stopping him would just result in at least two days of Snake trying really hard to out-dad the rest of K-Unit and Alex waking up to weird shit like a trainee shaving kit or something.

"Alex, you know that you're allowed to have favorites, yes? I know it's been a rough go for you, and we're all on guard just in case, but if you have a favorite crisp brand or flavor, we will gladly buy it for you. You don't have to tell me, even, you can tell Eagle or Fox, though God knows Wolf would forget and just buy a bunch of dried fruits. What I'm getting at is..."

Alex bit into his burger again, nodding when appropriate, and let Snake talk for several minutes, trying really hard to fight the urge to leave and/or shut the man up, and settled down with his own thoughts.

* * *

Eagle usually was the one to buy groceries.

With Ben being busy erratically at missions, he didn't do much of anything, and Wolf would do the dishes usually, while Snake was the only one who did laundry that wasn't his own, though he never managed to separate it properly, leaving Wolf and Eagle to argue over socks, and Alex refolding all the towels because Snake sucked at it. Alex would generally do any chores that were left, though spent a lot of time doing homework instead. It was honestly a surprise that the household worked as well as it did, and it was a common thing for someone to ask for help, which resulted in Alex throwing on a pair of jeans and a thick jacket to brave the February winds and go to the store with Eagle.

"Thanks for joining me, Cub," Eagle chirped, chipper as he always was in the morning, like a weirdo. Alex was half convinced he was fey or something.

"You did ask." He yawned, rolling his left shoulder a bit. "What do we need, even?"

"I made a couple of lists! Here." Eagle showed him the list, and Alex was half sure they had most of the stuff shown, but Wolf had weird snacking habits and something told Alex that the man wasn't above drinking raw eggs and melted butter like a smoothie, meaning that they would need a new batch of both.

One thing, however, really stuck out on the list. "We need a steak?"

"Uh, yes?" Eagle replied, his tone implying that Alex was an absolute idiot. "Snake finally finished that medical thing he's been stressing about for months, kiddo, I'm gonna make him something special for tonight. Keep it a secret, though, of course."

Alex froze, feeling a bit guilty to only be now learning this. He'd kind of tuned out Snake's ramblings for months now. Perhaps he would write some sort of congratulatory card or something. Was that something he should do? Fuck, what's the proper etiquette for this? Ian didn't prepare him for this at all. He could resist French interrogation but he didn't know how to write a card, and awkwardly nodded in understanding. He should really make sure it's a good steak.

"Good. So, Cub, I have my list, and you have your list. Double teaming this job. Here's some money, you go find your stuff, and if I'm not at the registers when you're done, just go ahead and buy without me and meet me at the car."

And then Eagle abandoned Alex in the grocery store like a lost puppy. A very brave puppy, with a goal and a shopping basket, but still kind of lost. He sighed and went to finding the things on the list. With the way they were ordered, he felt like he was bouncing back and forth in the store, but he was a bit too tired to think logically and go in the fastest order, and ended up at the registers with his bounty and spotted Eagle waiting for him by the door, wrapped up in a scarf and texting someone. Probably Ben.

He paid for his groceries, and sidled up next to Eagle, briefly seeing a message about 'The Secret' and greeted, "Hey. All done."

Eagle looked up with a grin. "Nice! Let's go then."

They piled the groceries into the car with some difficulty, and Eagle buckled in the bags like a strange baby.

"Awful cramped in here, eh?" Eagle asked, seating himself at the wheel.

"It's not unbearable," Alex replied, buckling himself in. He waited for Eagle to start up the car, then turned on the heat, both of them warming themselves up as it slowly picked up.

"Really?"

"Well, it works, dunnit?"

Eagle shrugged. "Maybe. But if we got a new car, what would you want?"

Alex frowned. "Uhhh... I dunno. Something with four wheels and a door or two, I suppose. Maybe something that connects to my iPod."

Snorting, Eagle pulled the car out of the parking spot and headed towards home. "Cub, really, surely you have a preference on a car?"

Alex shot Eagle a confused look. "A nice one...?"

"Cub."

"I don't know what you expect of me."

"C'mon, a favorite brand? Mustang or something? Please dont be a KIA fan or something."

"I'm not a fan of those weird hamster ads, so no, I'm not a fan of KIA."

"So what are you a fan of?"

"I don't know, Eagle, cars are kind of just things that get me from point A to point B, I can't say I've ever thought about my own car when I have the Tube and a functional bike, and if I need to drive I can always borrow this one."

Eagle sighed heavily, far too heavily for the topic at hand, and just shook his head. "Alright, Alex, I'll drop it."

Alex settled back against his seat, eyeing Eagle with a slight suspicion and feeling a shiver go down his spine despite the car heating being on blast.

* * *

Things were weird. There was no denying it. Eagle had said almost nothing all day and Wolf had willingly done laundry. Tom came by, and he and Alex went out for dinner and some awful movie in a local theater. They managed to sit through all of it despite how bad it was, mostly because they were the only ones in the theater, which enabled them to talk shit the entire time, and that eased his worries for a bit.

However, when they came back to the house, there was an unfamiliar car in the driveway, and Alex felt all of it come rushing back. He stepped into the house with caution, hand gripped on a hidden knife in his pocket, and Tom gave him a look.

"Al, mate, chill your bean a bit."

"I don't recognize that car. K-Unit has been weird for over a week now. Things aren't adding up."

"Alex. _Mate._ I really think you're reading into this too much."

"This is the job description, Tom," he stiffly replied. "They've been asking weird questions, there's a strange car in the driveway, they've been acting weird all day as well. They're... they're getting me sent to a shrink. O-or to an asylum or something. They're getting rid of me aren't they?"

Tom quickly laid a light hand on his wrist in a calming fashion, something they established early on. "Alex, calm down, I'm sure it's nothing like that-

And then Ben rounded the corner, face lighting up at the sight of them, and Alex quickly let a passive look slide onto his face.

"Alex, Tom! How was the movie?"

"Awful," they replied simultaneously.

Ben raised his brows. "Lovely. Was it worth the viewing at least?"

"Yes," Tom said, at the same time as Alex grumbled, "Maybe."

"Well, that's good at least."

He paused, looking like he was debating saying something, but Wolf's voice cut through.

"Cub, c'mere a mo', would ya?"

Alex subconsciously bristled in preparation for a shouting match, for another mess of words because he knew he was a lot to handle, and entered the room braced.

He was greeted with the sight of a cake. A large cake, it seemed, and it had eighteen candles on it. There was a small pile of presents on the table, and Eagle, Snake, and Wolf were all wearing party hats, with extra hats on the side.

"What."

"Happy birthday!" they all exclaimed, and Alex checked his mental calendar. Right. February. Oh, wait, February.

_Oh._

He flushed in embarrassment, trying to sink into the high collar of his coat. Everything made a ridiculous amount of sense now, and Alex felt like a right idiot for assuming the worst.

Wolf grinned like the cat that got the cream. "C'mon, Alex, get your arse over here and eat this cake. Eagle and Snake spent three hours on it, and most of it was spent arguing on flavor. I just want to eat the damn thing."

He shuffled over, and Tom wrestled his coat off of him, laughing at how red he was.

"Alex, your face is so cute-"

"Oh, go suck an egg! You knew about this didn't you?"

Tom shrugged. "I was asked to keep you out of the house for a few hours so they could set stuff up."

"You chose the longest movie you could, didn't you."

"Absolutely."

Alex let out a long-suffering sigh. "That movie was _awful,_ Tom-"

"Oh, I know-"

"Wait!" Alex frowned. "Whose car is in the drive then?"

Eagle smirked, pulling out a set of keys and sliding them across the table to Alex.

"... what?"

"Happy birthday, Cub," was Eagle's simple reply and Alex blinked, before realizing.

"That's what you were asking me about?!" He groaned, looking back at the conversation and how absolutely unhelpful he had been. "And the sweets thing that Snake asked me about!"

"Aye, that was a bit of trouble," Snake admitted. "Had to get a third opinion on it with Tom."

Tom laughed. "I helped them quite a bit on this. Finally told them you like red velvet cake, though you don't actually realize it I guess. You really made it difficult for them, huh Al?"

"Not on purpose," he protested, and Ben laughed.

"Maybe not. But Eagle did try to buy you 'The Lion King' on Blu-ray. You spotted it early on though, and I had to cover for him."

From his spot at the table, Eagle let out an overly dramatic groan. "I was _going_ to make a whole bunch of lion cub jokes, but someone just had to already own the movie."

"Okay, that one is definitely not my fault."

"Can we cut the cake already?" Wolf huffed. "I've had to smell that for hours and I refuse to just let it sit there any longer."

"It's not _your_ birthday, James."

"Whose name is on the bills? Mine, that's who."

Alex let out a snort and blew out the candles, which immediately started an argument over whether or not they should be lit again since they didn't manage to sing for him. After much debate and a broken lighter, it was decided no, and Alex was forced to bear witness to possibly the worst choir in the army. The cake was divided and shared while Alex was pressured into wearing a party hat by the rest of the table.

Wolf also shouldered his way into having his present opened next, since Eagle's technically had already been revealed, and Alex was surprised to find a set of records.

"I know you have a record player at your old place," the soldier explained, "and Tom said you had a small selection of your own. Figured I would get you some new ones for the collection."

Alex grinned, knowing he would be popping those in later, and thumbed through them, pleasantly surprised to find Ashnikko's 'Hi It's Me' album in there. He wasn't even aware that was something that could be put on record, but hey, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Not yet, at least. Something told him this was going to be a joke record.

Snake's present came next, a well-made knife. It was clearly one of a kind, with a lion's head and his initials carved into the handle.

"You always have so many knives, I figured, what's one more, eh?"

Alex found he definitely agreed on that front.

Ben's present was a new set of earrings and a simple twine bracelet with small beads.

"The earrings are a commission from Smithers, the features on a note in the box. The bracelet, however, is something I made. Had my sister blow those beads for me. Matching for all of us, of course." And he shifted his sleeve to show his own, Eagle and Snake doing the same, while Wolf did nothing, because he was a rebel like that. Or an asshole. Either one.

Alex clasped the bracelet on his wrist along side his watch, and Tom pushed a final present his way.

It was a pink, hooded shirt, with bunny ears on the hood and pom-poms. A simple cute face was on the front. The inside was a very soft fabric, and all Alex could say was, "I love it."

Tom roared with laughter, and Alex gently rubbed his cheek on it.

"Wait, Cub, you're not joking?" Eagle asked, honestly surprised, and Alex just raised a brow.

"Are you kidding? This is comfy as shit, of course I love it."

The house was filled with laughter as they all piled onto the couch to watch 'The Lion King', with seconds of cake passed around. Wolf proceeded to kick Eagle off the back of the couch with a loud declaration of, "Long live the king!" which then instigated an absolutely awful remake of the entire rest of the movie.

Alex went to bed with his cheeks hurting - it had been so long since he smiled that much. He forgot how good that had felt.


End file.
